06 On Vices

Now, for the first time, a child spoke up. She was Betty, a junior highschool student.
I have been thinking of taking up smoking. Speak to us of vices.
And he obliged:
Of vices I know little, but for this story of a strange place I visited long ago.

At this point the narrative was briefly interrupted by an unfortunate hacking fit on the part of the prophet. Failing to suppress the outburst, Almustafa chose to turn it to his advantage, using it to emphatically underscore the point just made. Rene Levesque would have been proud. Then he continued:

In this distant land of which I speak, all people are smokers. It is customary to nurse infants on their first cigarettes at the tender age of three, so that any healthy five year old ought to be able to smoke on his or her own. Verily, this is indeed so.
Many of the adults in this strange country of coughers and hack…
(Here the prophet was forced to underscore his narrative with yet another generous round of emphatic coughing. Some in the audience incorrectly assumed him to be doing it on purpose.)

The prophet resumed his narrative:
As I was saying (cough), many people (hack, hack) began to suspect, correctly, that theirs was not a healthy habit. Some of the visionaries among them even had visions, in which they saw themselves giving up smoking for their own well-being.

But as you may well imagine, in such a place as that, it could hardly be possible to give up smoking. Soon after my arrival, even I began to smoke. Never stopped.

Here the prophet seemed to realize that his own neglected cigarette was dying a slow death, and so quickly bummed another from someone in the front row, deftly lighting it off the butt of the old.

Children ask good, critical questions:
Why is it impossible to quit smoking, Mr. Almustafa, sir?
Don’t call me sir, spoke the prophet. I will call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al.
Why is it impossible, Mr. Al?

Al said:
It is not really impossible, but surely you must have sympathy for these sons and daughters of a world empty of non-smokers. There was not a single role model, to show that it is possible for a human being not to be a smoker. Lest you forget, these people cannot remember a time ere even they themselves became addicted.
Yes sweet Betty, it is possible to break the nicotine habit, just as the Vancouver Canucks may one day break five-hundred.

But is this not strictly a theoretical possibility? Such shattering of habit would require considerable effort. It is difficult to imagine any one individual to achieve independence from that insidious drug, without a legitimately unshakable belief that success is a least possible? And from whence such a belief?

There is not a single non-smoker to be found. Within the collective memory of the town, within the collective haze of ten thousand smoldering cigarettes, there is not a glimmer of past freedom to be recalled.

And now, dear friends, I ask you: Is this not a smashing good analogy for the consumption-driven society in which you yourselves wallow day by day? Isn’t it truly? Huh? Huh?

Here the prophet paused and surveyed the crowd. The sparkle in his eyes betrayed the kind of glee a proud magician might feel, having just procured a rhinoceros from his cuff link.

The effect on the crowd, however, was a far cry from the kind which might have been induced with the aid of a cuff-link rhino. For the most part, people seemed confused and dumb-founded. The prophet took no notice, and continued in a booming voice:

Verily, consumerism is what smoking is to the addict. Regrettably we are virtually born addicted. We may have vague notions that our lifestyle is unhealthy, but unfortunately we have always lived like this. Now hear this, people of Orphalese:

Here the prophet tried to raise the decibel level one more time, but the years of smoking got the better of him. His voice began to strain, sounding hoarse and dry. Was he aware of the cigarette still smoldering seemingly forgotten in his yellow-stained hand?

Changing your lifestyles may be difficult, but not impossible. It will require great effort and strength of character from each one of you. Still, no matter how difficult it must seem to each addicted consumer among you, in the end, the reward shall be infinitely greater than the price.

If only one person were to quit smoking, in that distant land, which I hope you may never visit, Betty, for it is not all that pretty, the effect would barely be felt above the haze. But if half the population were to stop smoking, the positive effect would be significant and immediate. Tell me, oh people of Orphalese, is this not the truth I have spoken here?

This was apparently a rhetorical question, for the prophet did not much linger for a response. One or two people did gravely nod their heads, while others preferred to exchange puzzled looks.
The prophet spoke:

Many years ago, I left this place, then a quaint town, now a seething metropolis. Your ancestors begged of me to share what wisdom I had, and so I improvised. You would all do well perhaps, to re-read my book. It is a classic. In fact, I have in my trunk a good number of copies of the new gold-leaf millennium edition which I will sell for a fantastically discounted price for one night only. I will be happy to sign them also.

Many years ago I left this town of Orphalese, and in my travels have seen and smelled much that would make your nosehairs wilt. Now I am back for this brief return engagement… (wild applause) … now I am back, and I feel it is my duty to report that the word is not really a better place than it was when I left.