24 On Love

Then speak to us of love, wailed a long suffering artist.

And he answered by saying:
What could I say about love that has not been expressed more beautifully in countless lyrics from countless eighties pop songs. Long after the singers have ceased to blossom, the shriveling petals left behind are ever as fragrant:

“All I need / is just a little more time
to make sure what I feel / isn’t all in my mind
cause it seems so hard to believe / that you’re all that I need.”

Brilliant. Timeless. Or how about this?
“The next time I fall in love - I’ll know better what to do.
The next time I fall in love - ooh, ooh, ooh.
The next time I fall in love - I’ll know better what to do.
The next time I fall in love - it will be with you.”

Have you ever been in love?, the prostitute inquired in a tender moment.

Whereupon the prophet let out the most heart wrenching sob imaginable. No one in the audience would have guessed his heart to be so heavy, and they were indeed moved.

The prophet sighed:
Her name was Almitra. I called her “Betty”, and Betty, when she called me, she called me “Al”, called me “Al”.

No one gasped out loud. He could barely get the words out:
My mother’s name was Almitra.

And the prophet said:
Then I am your father, son.

And then there was much rejoicing, for the people of Orphalese loved reunions. Strangers gave each other tender hugs and joyful tears flowed in rivers into the sea. And the crowd cheered loudly as No one ascended the drum, next to his father, and gave him a bear hug. And then a collective sob arose from the crowd, to be carried far out to sea.

23 On Pornography

Then a kindly prostitute with a heart of gold did say, Speak to us of pornography.

Tired and drained from his tirade, he replied:
The internet, pornography, procrastination, masturbation, loneliness - these are all one and the same. You people keep repeating the question. If you would doubt the quality of my advice, then I would fain bid you look first at the nature of your questions.

And though the prostitute had developed a thick skin through the years, she was stung by this prickly remark. Carefully, she tried again:
But you said the internet was for wankers…

Tired, the prophet could only nod:
There then is your answer. It is getting late, and we’re all soaked to the bone.

But the people of Orphalese were not yet ready to let him go. And the stars began to appear and sparkle off the gently lapping waves.

22 On the Internet

And a market expert ventured:
But isn’t this why we have the internet?
And a bombastic web designer piped in, Yes, please do speak to us of Al Gore’s greatest invention.

And the rabid prophet was just beginning to warm up:
Screw the internet. Just the other day I found myself cruising down the information interstate in search of another cliché, when I was overtaken by a webcrawler. Humiliated, I ducked into alt/all/opinions/matter where I slammed into the following post:
“When I was little, everyone told me I look like a young Natalie Wood. But then I grew up. Love Roxanne.”
My own website receives fewer hits in a week, than Mark McGwire gets in a single inning. It’s over-saturated. Nay, the internet is for wankers, and the Blair Witch myth makers of this world - a massive vacuum to suck this world dry of creativity and originality. Who wants to scream into the void? The vacuum carries no sound.

These days all I hear is cyber this and cyber that. “Cyber” has got to be the most dreadful prefix in all of creation. Science fiction is dead. Nothing is left unimaginable. Nothing that the future holds will surprise anyone, with the possible exception of a vast shortage of drinking water and the unwelcome return of bubonic plague.

And who, kind people of Orphalese, wants to log onto the ranting and raving ejaculations of lunatics?

Whereupon a front row listener did say:
With all due respect Al…

But the prophet, who on this cold December night had managed to work up quite a sweat would not now be silenced:
Silence. If the internet can help to one day bring about democracy, then I’m all for it. If the idea of freedom can topple tyrannies, then I am in agreement also. And if I can sit down in the evening to a few raunchy clips, then I’m not entirely adverse to that either.